The countdown

Okay so next Monday I get my results, find out where these are an how big they are and although I'm feeling positive and thinking of all the best options I am nervous. I keep thinking being nervous when you don't think the results are going to be bad is wrong, like I shouldn't feel this way. But tonight I learnt it's okay. Nerves are a natural human reaction to the unknown, or in some cases the known. You could have long hair and about to get a long bob and you feel nervous! Perfectly okay. About to go on a date and your nervous, also okay! There is no rule book for nerves, they just show up when they want to. How we handle them though is a different matter. I for one become short tempered and emotional so the second I feel the nerves feeling creeping in I am straight to my husband to let him know, not so he can give me sympathy!! No I don't want none of that, just so he knows his silly moments that would normally make me laugh, probably not the best time for them. Basically treat me like it's "That Time" again lol All us women get "That Time" and I tell him so my nerves don't cause us any problem. I usually tuck myself away with a film and a cheeky drink and let it ride over me, Then the moments that doesn't work I know I have my amazing husband and family who are there to listen or just for cuddles. So just remember, any emotion you are feeling, it's okay! Some may not understand it and that's okay to, we are all different. One thing I've learnt is... It's Okay To Be Different :)

I hope you are all well and pain free <3

Scan Time

So Friday was my first scan's In 3 years, Little confused? "My Story" post below explains all :)

So we left at 9am as my first appointment wasn't until 10:30am but our luck on the way there you wouldn't have thought we was going to make it. Not 2 minutes in and come to our first main roundabout and it is being swept by a road sweeper so we are having to wait, the lady behinds us decides we aren't moving fast enough for her and pulls into the other lane at the exact time we start pulling out. Seriously that sweeper isn't small she must have seen it, but apparently her better option was to go around and try cut us up *rolls eyes* I'm thinking she was in a hurry as she was then behind us until we hit the motorway and instantly she went around us into the fast lane and was gone, the speed was capped so I'm hoping the camera's caught her. So that drama over with we continued on, got through a bit of congestions and finally hit an all but clear motorway. A few moments of relaxing until we come to a slip road and just a few cars join, first well infront of us slides right over to the fast lane and was gone and the next a little green Micra joined and sat up infront of us for a short while as we approached along side two lanes over. Without warning this Micra flies two lanes over right infront of us doing alot less speed than us, If my husband hadn't reacted so quickly we would have gone straight into the back of him! Luckily behind us was clear so no other cars were put in danger. Needless to say the rest of our journey we was so careful and so on guard as they say everything comes in 3's but we arrived safely and in good time. First up was the Ultrasound on my jaw lump, I swear she was drawing a beard on me with the gel and could tell by her face it suited me for sure! I will get the results of this on Feb 28th...I know a Saturday!!! And in the morning to so no partying for me on the Friday tsk! Then was my CT scans for both my chest and Abdomen. I was fine up until this point, soon as I saw the machine the tears fell, This is it, This is now real. 3 years with no scan god what is it going to show, the nerves had definitely arrived. I held myself together for the scan keeping as still as possible, which apparently I did good at (gold star for me ;) ) Originally I was having to wait until the middle of March for my results but due to having been ill the recently (read post below for details) It is being brought forward, I have been given 2 dates and told one will be confirmed. So either on the 16th or 23rd Feb I will find out my results. Best results would be either no growth at all! OR Little growth making it a slow grower. The pain in new places and beautiful new lumps have me some what doubting it but there's always a chance the new lumps are adhesion's and the new pains are from something else but haven't been looked at properly as I have Desmoid's and so has been put down to them *Nods firmly!* Positive thinking will prevail!!!

It's been a long two weeks!

Gosh where to start! It's been a very long and not so fun two weeks. It all started with a migraine that came on towards the end of my shift at work. Now for those who know me I extremely rarely get a headache, like I think 6 maybe, one of which was a migraine, well this was my second. I came home and did the usually in the dark in bed ritual, all the good stuff and when I woke I was a little unwell with my tummy and really thirsty. Thinking nothing of it I just continued the day in my pj's and mostly sleeping feeling worse and more thirsty every time I woke, then the pain crept in, In my kidneys, abdomen and ribs. I had that weekend off so thought I would just rest and all would be right by Monday but I was wrong. Every daily thing I did would make me need to sleep, Getting dressed, Showering, making lunch, I would need to rest or sleep after. Every waking moment I had a drink in my hands no matter what I was thirsty all the time. I thought It must be a virus and would go in a few days. Sunday afternoon came and knowing I had work the next day knew I needed to push myself and do some housework to show myself I could go to work the next day, bad mistake! I figured the hoovering needed doing so lets do that, just a few movements and I was a little breathless...pff that's not going to stop me! So I moved onto the stairs, by the 3rd step I knew I should stop but stubborn as I am refused, by the 5th could barely hold myself up let alone hold onto the hoover itself so had to shout for my husband to help, Felt a little useless at the moment If I'm honest. After being "rescued" I laid on the stairs for a while catching my breath until I had enough strength to move up the stairs to bed and realised now was the time to see a Dr, something obviously wasn't right. In the morning I made an emergency appointment and by 11:20 was in seeing a Dr. He was just as puzzled as me, I didn't have an infection or a temperature. Hadn't had a fever at all, not diabetic and my skin test said I wasn't dehydrated so we was lost where to look next.He then suggested I call my specialist and ask her and if she said it was nothing to do with my Desmoid's to return and he would decide where to go next. I left the office feeling very frustrated as this response is so common for me now. My trip to the office had worn me so had a little rest and decided even though when the Dr's say to ring my consultant and I ignore them and everything fixes itself, this time I didn't feel right and decided to call my specialist nurse instead. She wasn't in but had gotten back to me the next day. I told her about the pain, sleeping and constant thirst and after a few questions she told me about things Desmoids can do to you body, this was one. She sent me a recipe for an the most vial tasting drink EVER! Even recommended I drink it through a straw to bypass the tastebuds as much as possible lol It was to rehydrate my body. A few days later and I was finally fully awake!! was a great feeling. The pain has now dampened accept for the odd dig here and there but that's common for me now. Finally today after soooo many days off I returned to work, you wouldn't believe how happy I was to be there!! Never thought I would be saying that! lol So if you was wondering why my blog and page has been so quietly lately this is why. I hope you are all well and pain free <3